[FF] Death Note: Henrietta's Diary

Yep, just something I did when my head goes haywire. Just for good laughs...

Death Note: Henrietta’s Diary
A Gunslinger Girl/Death Note parody

It was a sunny day in the Social Welfare Agency and Henrietta was just up and running. Opening the door to her room she finds something unexpected:

“Oh wow! A diary! Did Jose give this to me...?”

Before her was a notebook, a black notebook inscribed with white letterings in the cover. The lettering is unusual, like nothing what the present world have ever seen. Innocently Henrietta took it, cuddles it, and smells it in hopes to find any trails of her beloved big brother. She didn’t find any, but she was sure that Jose gave it to her.

“I think I’ll write something here...”

She opens the first page and starts...

Dear, Diary...

(Start Kira theme song here)

Today is a sunny day, 27th of August. I love my life here in the Agency! Everyone is so kind and caring, the food is decent, and Jose is too kind! I love him, and I’m glad he gave me this diary—my previous one is almost full.

Jean and Jose were walking down the corridors. Unusual for today, Jean was rather playful with Jose. He lands a few small jabs to Jose and....

“GUAAAAAAAHHHKKK!!!!”

“...Jose, that’s over reacting...hey, off the floor!”

He didn’t respond. Jean, still confused of the situation, checks his fist, “...did my punch really give that much power to knock him unconscious...?”

I don’t know why they act differently. Jose is so kind and caring while Jean is rather of a meanie...why’s he like that? I could never understand why he’s so mean! Jose is such a good guy, but why’s Jean so harsh?

Unsure of the situation unfolding before him, Jean hits his chest a few time—curious if he did let out that much power,

“GUUUUAAAAAAAAKKKKKHHHHHH!!!!!”

I don’t know if I can keep up with him if I ever become Jean’s operative though. I wonder how in the world Rico could stand up and survive under his eyes for that long? It must be hard for her.

“Rico slow down! If you eat to fast you’ll choke to death!” Claes said as she watches Rico devour sausages after sausages with relative ease

“Bhuh ish hgood! I lihke shaushaghes!”

“And don’t talk with your mouths full! That’s just...” Claes watch as Rico grab a hold of her chest, then her neck, before collapsing to the floor. She sighs, “See, I told you! If you eat too fast you’ll choke on it. You have to eat it calm and refined like me...”

But it must be harder for Claes. She has lost her handler and has been alone for a very long time. I couldn’t help thinking; did she really mean it when she says that she doesn’t feel lonely at all?

Sitting up straight, Claes takes a spoonful of corn soup and slowly sips it in a very refined manner. She freezes for a second and, moments later, collapses with her head into the soup bowl. Triela who happens to past by for a mission watch the two in the dining table and laughs,

“...and she said she’s refined...she’s licking the soup bowl clean!”

“Triela, come on!”

“Yes sir!”

Speaking of lonely, I’m still wondering about Angelica. Is her condition improving? I heard Priscilla and Marco were reading her the story ‘Prince in the Land of Pasta’ or something again today. I hope she’ll be ok!

“And they live happily ever after...the end.” Priscilla gave a warm smile, “Do you like the story?”

Angelica returns her a very eerie smile before collapsing to the side

“OH MY GOD...!! ANGELICA...!!!”

“PRISCILLA!!” Marco enters the room 3 seconds upon hearing Priscilla’s scream, “What happen? What’s the ruckus?”

“I-I don’t know! This is almost something totally out of School Days! Her smile—her SMILE...!!!”

“Tell me what happen, Priscilla...”

“I just read ‘the end’ and...”

The two of them collapses moments later,

Diary, I’m wondering about the new girl, Beatrice. Is she ok? I don’t understand it but why does she sniffs a lot? Recently she’s been sniffing on pepper in the cafeteria. Has Bernardo tried teaching her?

“Beatrice, you should stop sniffing on pepper. It ruins your sense of smell...well, the Mythbusters have proven that wrong for bloodhounds, but I’m not sure if it’s the same with humans...”

Beatrice collapses moments later

“...Bice? Hey, Bice...?” Bernardo picks the pepper shaker, curious of what’s inside and sniffs it
He too, collapses moments later. A passing Hillshire and Triela notices the two of them with head down in the table and a pepper shaker in between them,

“Look at that, handler and operative all the same; stoned in the same way and falls unconscious the same way too! That’s a lesson not to use drugs.”

Triela blushes slightly,

Speaking of ‘teaching’, there are rumors circulating around the Agency about Petrushka and Alessandro. I heard both of them have gone ‘dingy’ and is currently going woo-woo with each other. I heard they’re in a special relationship. Is chief Lorenzo find with that...?

“Ah, yes! Yes, yes! Give it to me Petra...ah!”

Inside Alessandro’s room, Petra and Alessandro has been going into their usual explicit business. This time, Petra’s on top. Petra keeps moving until suddenly she stops and collapses on top of Alessandro

“Petra? Why do you stop?” curious yet still ‘hungry’, he kisses her. Moments later he too stops. The door bursts open and up reveals Chief Lorenzo with his utmost anger,

“ALESSANDRO...!! THIS TIME I CAUGHT YOU IN THE ACT...! YOU’RE...” he witnesses the two of them in a...position. He went hard, “OH MY GOD...!! PUBLIC PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIAL...!!”

He gasps for a moment before collapsing into the floor—face first.

What about Triela? What is her relationship with Hillshire? I she in a special relationship similar to Petra and Sandro too...? I wish Jose would keep giving me gifts like Hillshire does to Triela! I’d like some teddy bears too!

“Here Triela, your teddy bear for a good job well done...!” Hillshire hands the teddy to his beloved operative, “Do you like it?”

“It smells great!” she cuddles it before moments later she collapses to the ground. Hillshire shrieks like a girl,

“OH MY GAWD...!! THE TEDDY KILLED HER...!! IT’S DAH CURSE OF DAH TEDDY FROM HELL...!! I KNEW I INHERITED THAT CURSE FROM GRANDMA!!”

He picks up the teddy and shakes it violently, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? WHY?? BRING HER BACK!! BRING HER BACK!!!”

Seconds later the teddy also ‘killed’ Hillshire

I’m out of space now. But there are a lot of people I’d like to mention who have been kind to me. Like Alfonso, Olga, Dr. Bianchi, Louis Duvalier, Belgonchi, Dr. Gilliani, Pietro Fermi, Elenora Gabrielli, Draghi...but not Ferro though. She’s scary! I hope Ferro dies a slow painful death when it happens!

A series of screams that sounds ‘GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKHHHH’ soon echoes throughout the entire facility for about 10 seconds—Except for one that seems to last for about 1 minute and 30 seconds. Now, everything is ‘All Quiet in the Social Welfare Agency’.

I guess I close the diary now. I’ll write more tomorrow.

Regards,
Henrietta Cloce

Henrietta closes the notebook and stretches in relief. She got up the seat, walk to the door, and head outside. Moments later a ‘whump’ was heard outside.

About 2 minutes later, a Shinigami appeared and take the notebook. He sighs and said to himself,
“Next time, never drop ‘the notebook’ close to the eyes of a young girl...the boss will surely clobber me for this...”

That was great, especially the bit at the end, "But there are a lot of people I’d like to mention who have been kind to me." Classic.

HAhahahaha!! It's awesome how you make it seem like they die of other causes

And beatrice sniffing pepper! That reminds me of when I used to sniff pepper

Creepy. Funny, too, but that story is creepy.

That was brilliant!!

Nice use of dark humor. Guess the Shinigami need to be more careful with their Death Notes. :lollol:

emperor wrote:

I she in a special relationship similar to Petra and Sandro too...?

Grammar error?

Looks like a typo, imo. Change the 'I' to 'Is'

LOL only Ferro didn't die of a heart attack

Glad you guys like it

LOL only Ferro didn't die of a heart attack

No, she died heart attack...only lasting longer...



Now I have the intention of writing: Elfen Lied: Dicloni Henrietta

Henrietta: JOSEEEE!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEE????????

*chops people to pieces as she corners Jose*

But that will only if my mind goes haywire again and it is rather rare

I'm not 100% familiar with the Death Note series, but doesn't a Shinigami get to tag the remaining days of the life of each person his book kills onto his own life?

Seeing an entire dorm of young girls he probably thought "Cool, score!" Must have been disappointing to find out that they were a bunch of cyborgs that were only going to live a few more years anyway.

Hahahahaha, that was brilliant! I couldn't take my breath from laughing! Maybe it was partly because me and my best friend used to joke about that - what if somebody found the Death Note and mistook it for a diary? And when I read this:

Panzer IV wrote:But there are a lot of people I’d like to mention who have been kind to me.

I was on the floor! And seeing how they appeared to have died from something else was just genius! Keep up the good work!

ROFL. I liked it!