Gunslinger Girl Crack fic starters/Gunslinger Girl revised i

Now, y'see, in the wider world I'm a huge Tarantino nut. I love the long dialogues and verbal sparring, I love the pitch-perfect musical cues, I love the intense atmosphere. So, you can imagine that that entire passage made me all a-quiver with delight.

Best keep Marisa away from Reservoir Dogs, though, lest she start demanding that everyone call her "Miss. Blonde"...

Robert Frazer wrote:Now, y'see, in the wider world I'm a huge Tarantino nut. I love the long dialogues and verbal sparring, I love the pitch-perfect musical cues, I love the intense atmosphere. So, you can imagine that that entire passage made me all a-quiver with delight.

Best keep Marisa away from Reservoir Dogs, though, lest she start demanding that everyone call her "Miss. Blonde"...

For extra hilarity, imagine Agapita's pre-shooting dialogue in Samuel L's voice.

Robert Frazer wrote:Now, y'see, in the wider world I'm a huge Tarantino nut. I love the long dialogues and verbal sparring, I love the pitch-perfect musical cues, I love the intense atmosphere. So, you can imagine that that entire passage made me all a-quiver with delight.

Best keep Marisa away from Reservoir Dogs, though, lest she start demanding that everyone call her "Miss. Blonde"...

Britney: Oh! Oh! Oh! (raising her hand frantically) I wanna be Miss Pink!

Jean: Some other cyborg on some other job is Miss Pink...you're Miss Brown.

Marisa: (whispering) How did I get to be Miss Blonde? I have red hair.

Rachel: Francesca called dibs before you.

Professor Voodoo wrote:
Britney: Oh! Oh! Oh! (raising her hand frantically) I wanna be Miss Pink!

Jean: Some other cyborg on some other job is Miss Pink...you're Miss Brown.

Marisa: (whispering) How did I get to be Miss Blonde? I have red hair.

Rachel: Francesca called dibs before you.

Kara: "Are we a secret government agency or a Super Sentai show?"

Kiskaloo wrote:

Professor Voodoo wrote:
Britney: Oh! Oh! Oh! (raising her hand frantically) I wanna be Miss Pink!

Jean: Some other cyborg on some other job is Miss Pink...you're Miss Brown.

Marisa: (whispering) How did I get to be Miss Blonde? I have red hair.

Rachel: Francesca called dibs before you.

Kara: "Are we a secret government agency or a Super Sentai show?"

Allison: Not unless we dress in identical business suits and botch a jewelry store robbery.

Lorenzo: I've just been looking over the figures for this year and all the replacement parts we're ordering after our cyborgs get shot up is pushing us into the red. No chance you could rob a few banks to balance the books? We're a government department, I'll call it a "windfall tax".

Robert Frazer wrote:Lorenzo: I've just been looking over the figures for this year and all the replacement parts we're ordering after our cyborgs get shot up is pushing us into the red. No chance you could rob a few banks to balance the books? We're a government department, I'll call it a "windfall tax".

Brian: As hesitant as I am to involve Allison in theft (considering the Top Gear Italy Car-share service is doing fairly well, though Jean still owes them money for the SLR), It would depend what you're looking for, and where you want it done. If we know where Padania is storing their funds in Italy, we could probably knock over those banks, but if it's an international thing, that's harder to pull off. Secondly, you'll want to take into consideration whether or not you want this to be a blam-blam-kaching type deal with a getaway driver in front of a bank, or if you want to be more subtle and do it Danny Ocean-style or steal the funds in transit, like The Italian Job. For the latter two, I would ask Jethro for advice, personally. I was a dog of war, but never a gentleman thief.

Robert Frazer wrote:Lorenzo: I've just been looking over the figures for this year and all the replacement parts we're ordering after our cyborgs get shot up is pushing us into the red. No chance you could rob a few banks to balance the books? We're a government department, I'll call it a "windfall tax".

Funny you should mention this because...

Spoiler:

Professor Voodoo wrote:
Britney: Oh! Oh! Oh! (raising her hand frantically) I wanna be Miss Pink!

Jean: Some other cyborg on some other job is Miss Pink...you're Miss Brown.

Marisa: (whispering) How did I get to be Miss Blonde? I have red hair.

Rachel: Francesca called dibs before you.

Elio groaned groggily as he came to. He thought that the coffee had tasted odd.

As he blearily blinked back to full awareness, Elio's surroundings swam back into focus like a fuzzy television gradually sharpening its reception - and blaring out at full volume as well, judging by the migraine that was jack-hammering throbs of pain at his temples. He was located inside a large room of bare, rough brick - probably a small warehouse of some description, given its size and lack of fittings. A thin haze of light struggled throiugh window-panes that were opaque and caked with dust.

Elio tried to move around to explore his surroundings, only to realise then that he was quite securely lashed to a chair with thick, rough hemp fibres. He heard someone move behind him - probably responding to his struggle. A voiced called out, "Hey, you ever listen to K-Billy's Super Sounds of the Seventies?"

Elio jolted in his chair, incredulous. He heard a quiet whirr, something like the sound of a CD tray retracting into a hi-fi, and music began to play.

"Damnit, wrong track..." the voice growled under its breath. There were a few beeps, and then a more thematic tune reached out to the lonely corners of the warehouse.

Elio groaned as Marisa came into view around from behind him. She was wearing shades, a black-tie suit a couple of sizes too big for her with the bottoms of the trousers dusty against the floor (them not really fitting such clothes for young girls), and doing a weird shuffling dance which looked something like an attempt at a moonwalk.

The handler pursed his lips. "When you said that you wanted to play cops'n'robbers, this is not what I had in mind!"

Plainly enjoying herself, Marisa did a little spin around on her heel and pointed a finger at Elio, bouncing up and down as her voice quavered along to "Stuck in the mid-dle with yo-ouuuu...."

Elio shook his head. "Okay, Marisa, very authentic, it'll make a great demo tape when you break into Hollywood. Can you untie me now?"

Marisa stopped suddenly. "We can't do that, Mr. Alboreto! We haven't done the razor bit yet!"

Elio laughed humourlessly. "Give over, Marisa, you're my cyborg. You are not going to cut off my ear."

Marisa smiled thinly, it creeping slowly up her cheeks in a way that reminded Elio more of the rodent of Mr. Pink than the psychopath of Mr. Blonde. "No, sir, but he did slash the rozzer's face, and..." Elio blanched. Marisa had pulled out a razor.

An electric one.

"...there's all that fungus of yours in the way of your own chubby cheeks."

"Plea-eee-eeeeaaase... plea-eee-eeeeaaase..."

With a gleeful grin Marisa advanced on Elio. His screams echoed off the ceiling while the razor buzzed like an angry wasp tangled in Elio's beard and Marisa grunted, "Hold still, damnit..."

Alfisti wrote:...it's going to come out in the next issue or so that Jethro only got approved funding for the (somewhat expensive) Monaco heist because he told the brass he could run it at a profit.

I suppose that it's not unlike the climax to Casino Royale. Bond wins megabucks at the casino (such to the extent that he casually slides over a quarter-million dollar tip to the dealer!), while M chews her lip and worriedly asks, "erm, when are you going to give us the money...?"

Next thing we know, we'll have Triela as 'The Bride' sparring against Kara's O-Ren Ishii in martial arts class...

(Triela--dressed in a yellow motorbike suit-- unwraps the chain of the meteor hammer that Noël almost suffocated her with and tosses it over the unconscious white-haired sniper--who was rendered unconscious by a vicious headbutt. Picking up her bokken, Triela turns to face Kara, dressed in a white kimono, standing on the upstairs level of the gym, unsheathing a blunted practice wakazishi. Kara then forcefully plants her blade into the wooden hand rail as the sound of a motorbike (Adeline's) echoes off the gym walls.)

Triela: Is that what I think it is?

Kara: You didn't think it was gonna be that easy, did you?

Triela: You know, for a second there, yeah, I kinda did.

Kara: Silly rabbit...

Triela: Trix are...

Kara: ...for kids.

(Rapid footsteps sound down the corridor, and then Adeline comes in, dressed as Johnny Mo, but with a Machete)

Triela: Okay, time out! Johnny Mo did not have a Machete in the movie!

Adeline: Hey, I had to do something with this Machete I got in Vegas!

Biff stalked angrily down the corridor of the Agency dormitory, sweeping past other cyborgs without even checking his pace, upsetting Henrietta's precarious stack of laundry and burying Claes underneath a terrible bookquake probably not witnessed since the last time the San Andreas fault snapped. Biff's eyes were unheeding, fixed ahead of him while his mind fumed and whirled. It's only half an hour before we need to muster for the operation! What's keeping her?

Biff didn't knock on Britney's door - he wanted to catch the minx in the act of whatever time-waster she was frittering away precious moments on, preciseky so that he could lambast her more directly and forcefully. With a swift kick he banged the door open, making it rattle on its hinges - he charged in to find...

...Nihad lying in Britney's bed, the covers pulled right up to his chin.

Biff blinked.

Nihad grinned nervously.

Biff worked his jaw.

Nihad tried to gesture down to the covers just by flicking his eyes.

Biff inhaled--

--and the covers squirmed as Britney emerged out from underneath them.

"I'm doing Jackie Brown" she muttered.

Robert Frazer wrote:
With a gleeful grin Marisa advanced on Elio. His screams echoed off the ceiling while the razor buzzed like an angry wasp tangled in Elio's beard and Marisa grunted, "Hold still, damnit..."

Afterward...Elio examines himself in the mirror. He now has half a beard, as Marisa neglected to fully charge her electric razor before starting.

Marisa: Sorry Elio...it's just that the movie was so cool...I kinda got carried away.

Elio: Oh you're going to be sorry my lass (Marisa cringes). My first instinct is to hand you over to Mancini and his 5am training sessions.

Marisa: For how long?

Elio: (growling) Until my beard grows back.

Avise: Whoa...all stop Elio! Who say's I'm game to take the freckled terror of Section 2 for that long?

Elio: Alright...I'll find someone else.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Later...



Marisa: He's my new teacher? He's even older than you!

Elio: This is a really bad time for that smart mouth of yours. Pai Mei hates women, despises Italians, and has nothing but contempt for mouthy 11 year olds.

Pai Mei: So...Elio is your master is he not? Your master tells me -- you're not entirely unschooled. What training do you possess?

Marisa: I'm really good at maths...& once I beat a guy to death with the bumper of his own car!

Pai Mei: SILENCE! Do you believe you are my match?

Marisa: Um, no...otherwise I wouldn't have walked up all those stairs.

Pai Mei: Are you aware I kill at will?

Marisa: Lucky...I'm only allowed to kill people when Elio lets me.

Pai Mei: So my pathetic friend...is there anything you can do well?

Marisa: I can make a pretty mean Pizza Burger.

Pai Mei: Let's see how good you really are. If you land a single blow I'll bow down and call you master!

Marisa & Pai Mei fight...the ancient master getting the best of her at every turn. Finally he has her in a painful arm lock.

Pai Mei:

Marisa: YES!

Pai Mei: If it was my wish...

That gives Marisa an idea. Disregarding the pain she rolls to the ground and spins, ripping her own right arm off. With the last strength she has left she lands one symbolic blow on a stunned Pai Mei, who is still holding her arm.

Marisa: (panting...clutching the bloody stump of her arm) There...but you don't have to call me "Master." Just drive me over to the SWA hospital please...that hurt a lot more than I thought it would.

Robert Frazer wrote:--and the covers squirmed as Britney emerged out from underneath them.

"I'm doing Jackie Brown" she muttered.

Jean: It’s been two weeks since Nihad went missing. Anyone come up with any leads?

Biff: I think it was a Padania kidnapping.

Jean: That’s possible…

Britney: Or, some idiot tore him limb from limb, stuffed him in garage bags and sent him out with the trash.

Biff: Shut up, Brit!

Reviving thread:

Gunslinger Girl Angelica Magica: A Madoka crossover (obviously), where, at the end of her life, Kyube visits Ange on her death bed. She makes a contract with him to allow her to live the lifespan of a normal human. So, Ange lives through the night, and now has to sneak out and fight witches, and at some point ends up in Japan and runs into the Madoka cast. Naturally, Kyube will end up looking like this:

.... again....