Wham, Bang, Fizz, P.o.W. : A Short Story

They may be killer cyborgs, but regardless of whether it's flower-pressing or FIBUA, girls just wanna have fun. A few extra-curricular excursions seems a harmless enough indulgence... but then, in the flush of excitement, things aren't thought through.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

This time around, I thought that I'd try my hand at a more light-hearted story. I don't think that I'd necessarily call it a comedy - I don't have the confidence that I can pull that sort of writing off - but I will be toning down the drama a little. I might not even kill anyone in it - and that's an astonishing admission from me, as it usually takes a bodycount in at least double figures to get me out of bed in the morning.

Incidentally, if everyone's puzzled by the sudden abscence of Agapita - sorry if it's unhelpful but I have been jumping about the timeline a fair amount with these stories, and they're not in chronological order. Wham, Bang, Fizz, P.o.W. goes back to the period between the death of Angelica and the St. Mark's Campanile battle, before Agapita was created.

Loved it as always!

Sounds like the boy needs a hugging pillow Again you've perfectly captured the moment of Jose's sleeplessness, the reference to the "Princess and the Pea" fairytale was a nice touch as well.

Who knew – maybe Ferro would be appreciative for his promptness and diligence in the morning.

I loved this line, after all that his mind's still settled into a pre-ordained path... and as much as I'm a fan of Ferro, I get the impression that if he's considering his chances with her, Jose's getting desperate.

“Gnnnnnnnnk? Whuzza?”

Rico noises: cute AND hilarious.

imitate a videogame that she’d seen being played while on an extended
mission and just biff the guards on the head until they were
unconscious so that they’d be none the wiser.

Super Cyborg Sisters? In which case, would it not just be easier to go through the sewer pipes?

It had been a positive relief when she’d been sent out on an operation
and could get herself shot in the hand and obliterate the scar.

Oh how the Cyborg priorities do differ from normal human ones. That said, it did make for an interesting look into how the Cyborgs may think differently.

Also, as the British had pretty much abandoned Somaliland at the first
hint of trouble and then came back and turfed out Il Duce’s pride in
fairly short order Jose sincerely doubted that Avise’s grandfather –
disdaining fortune, with his brandish’d steel which smoked from bloody
execution – had prised his trophy from the cold, white-clenched grip of
a vanquished champion at the crest of a mound of Anglian dead. On
seeing Avise’s almost childish glee at recounting the story, though,
Jose thought it impolitic to press the issue.

And then the fish was this big, and then this big and now it's this BIG. I'm glad Jose let the man embellish.

One thing I did particularly enjoy in this chapter though was starting to see more of Avise's personality come out. Up untill how he's sort of only made (albeit extensive) appearances rather than being one of the main focuses (in an environment where he can do things like, talk war stories).

...lifted up a thick wodge of plain paper held together with a plastic spiral bind.

Do they do a Haynes manual as well? For, you know, in field repairs? You could wrap it in Playboy cover and camoflage...

Funny though how, in the series, we never see much of how the handlers themselves are trained. It always seems like a case of "here's a cyborg, figure her out for yourself". Cool to see the point addressed, something I'd never really thought about but surely there would be something.


Other stuff: it made me all fanboy-happy to see Chiara and Silvia get a mention. Yet again I've failed to find anything to criticise... perhapse someone of a more literary bent will be able to help

Yes, it was nice to see more of Avise's personality. Jose, Michele and Avise all served in Kosovo so it must either be a laugh riot or a funeral dirge when the three of them get together at the bar...

Nice plug about the one year in Bologna that Silvia and her handler spent together.

With the opening of Chapter 2 (in the manga), I can see Rico not being an "early-riser".

Hanes Manual... That would be rich.

2002 Generation 1 Cyborg
2004 Generation 1 Cyborg
2005 Generation 2 Cyborg

Jethro: (holding Monty's right arm) "What's with this 'Installation is the reverse of the removal procedure' crap? And why do I have this bolt left over?"

Kiskaloo wrote:
Hanes Manual... That would be rich.

2002 Generation 1 Cyborg
2004 Generation 1 Cyborg
2005 Generation 2 Cyborg

Jethro: (holding Monty's right arm) "What's with this 'Installation is the reverse of the removal procedure' crap? And why do I have this bolt left over?"

Remember: they took one completely apart and put it back together to make that manual... whilst taking poor quality black and white photos with the contrast so high you can't see the bit the picture's supposed to be showing you.

I have a love/hate relationship with Haynes. The way I see it, any bits that are left over come under "guerrilla lightening"... I do a fair bit of that.

Alfisti wrote:I have a love/hate relationship with Haynes. The way I see it, any bits that are left over come under "guerrilla lightening"... I do a fair bit of that.

Just don't take it too far, or you might end up with something like the Rover SD1 Superleggera...

Sounds like the boy needs a hugging pillow

Well, I figured that someone suffering from frustration would be a pretty certain way of setting a less serious tone, and I think that Jose more than most other handlers is likely to get it - he's already mentioned that keeping up with Henrietta's neediness is a strain.

I get the impression that if he's considering his chances with her, Jose's getting desperate.

Eh, who can tell? Maybe she has the "Hot For Teacher" effect.

One thing I did particularly enjoy in this chapter though was starting to see more of Avise's personality come out.

Yeah, that is a conscious objective of this story - Avise will be making appearances in the following chapters too. Once I've pinned down a few more specifics about Avise here I'm hoping to dedicate some time to Agapita in the next story. Worryingly, her character's still rather bare...

Funny though how, in the series, we never see much of how the handlers themselves are trained. It always seems like a case of "here's a cyborg, figure her out for yourself". Cool to see the point addressed, something I'd never really thought about but surely there would be something.

One of my favourite moments in the Madhouse series is in the last episode, when all of the grown-ups are snowed-under with translating the elfensafty documents. Having something so mundane appear in the context of spies and government assassins was such a weird - but true - juxtaposition occur in the context of spies and assassins made me laugh out loud when I first saw it.

made me all fanboy-happy to see Chiara and Silvia get a mention

Seeing as poor Silvia got more claymore to the face than can be found in all the Highlands, us fans are going to have to pick up the slack and create more appearances for her.

I really enjoyed this. It moved at a faster pace, and was lighter on the complex, flowery prose your more "serious" stuff is known for (not that it was completely missing), but the comic absurdity of some of the situations adds a whole new whole new dimension to your work.

The duvet rustled. The bedsprings creaked. Jose groaned.

This is the second time you've opened a multi-chapter story in the bedroom. It's a good device, using something like fatigue, which the audience can easily relate to, to set the tone.

Spotless, shining Henrietta. The very model of a proper upbringing that would be a credit to any parent or guardian.

In this context that line sounds so perfectly sarcastic. I imagine having someone like her attached to you for a few years would wear very thin.

...and then a harpoon speared through her arm, its wicked barb hooking cruelly into her flesh and its whirling power pinning her down into her bedroom.
“Gnnnnnnnnk? Whuzza?” Rico mumbled through her pillow.

I thought the transition from the macabre horror of Rico's dream to the humourous exchange between she & Henrietta was a touch abrupt, but maybe that's what you were going for. As others have already mentioned, the sleepy "drunk-speak" is terrific.

“Don’t. Forget. The. Shopping list!”

She can be irritable when things aren't going her way, eh? I wonder what Giuse would think of his "Spotless, shining Henrietta" if he knew she was involved in such after-hours mischief? He might secretly be happy about it...

Your description of the office building packs a lot of topics (architecture, the tech department, office affairs) into one short paragraph, but it's done very smoothly...
Marisa: Mr. Voodoo, sorry to interrupt, but did Mr. Frazer mention something about jet propelled football studs?
Elio: They don't really make you fly, Mari.
Marisa: Oh, I know...I just think they would be really cool to kick a guy with. Then you could turn them on and blow his guts out the back of his...
Elio: Marisa, please shut up.
Voodoo: Thank you Elio. Moving along...

Section Two’s cracks in the ceiling tiles and lino flooring in the galley were some way removed from the Hollywood (and the handlers’!) ideal of a bustling counterterrorist hub.

Great imagery there, and probably the absolute truth.
The exchange between Giuse & Avise sheds some light on the pre-cyborg orientation period that all handlers seem to go through. We saw a little of it via Alessandro in the canon. Importantly, it fleshes out Mancini's character a bit more. I get the impression that you're developing him as he flows from your proverbial pen. The bit about his unsuccessful attempts to power-slide the Fiat (and his subsequent explanation about driving the APC) had me laughing.

Avise smiled indulgently. “No, I’m serious. It stops me dicking about in the evening, and it’s a bit of extra cash on my paycheque. I live on the compound so I’m only five minutes from bed anyway.”
Jose blinked in surprise. “Isn’t that a bit... confined?”

Nice meeting of the worlds here. Not every handler has a Porsche, a summer house in Sicily, and a big family inheritance!

It was a formidable obstacle that presented a deep challenge for the cyborgs to overcome

The lengths that the girls go to in order to accomplish their illicit shopping trip are the highlight of this chapter.

The adults had nodded appreciatively at the girls’ dedication

And so far they've got the grown-ups comprehensively duped.

Beatrice had exacted a steep fee for her consultation,

Nice to see that despite her stoic demeanor, Beatrice still enjoys her indulgences. The whole section is full of creative details, I'm particularly happy to learn what Dona was like before the Milan incident. Another great touch is how, during class, the cyborgs change out the "educational" disc once Jean has left the room...seems they're braver than I'd given them credit for.

Chiara had had to suddenly acquire a Damascene love for cats so she could always have her hand buried in the fur of one of the compound’s resident mogs whenever there were grown-ups about.

Great adjective there. I hadn't given much thought to the resident fauna of the SWA compound, but it makes sense that such a place would attract stray cats in search of an easy lunch. They might have to work their way into a future story.

Avise went back to spinning the cylinder of his Webley,

Interesting that both your handler and his future cyborg have chosen rare sidearms. At least Agapita's should be easier to get rounds for.
Jose & Avise seem to be connecting over their experiences in the Balkans. At least in the OC world, Section 2 is filling up with ex-spies, so it makes sense that Giuseppe would relate to a fellow military man.

“Probably something like ‘Argh Jesus Fuck No I’ve been rumbled need backup now help help dear God blam blam blam blam click dial toneeeeeeeeeee...’”
They both laughed.

Some dark humor here, fits well with the context, and it serves to diffuse Jose's discomfiture at his new colleague's overt religiosity.

“All 292 pages of this is just the list of Primary Commands!”

I like the "Primary Command" device you introduced in See Naples, I used it myself (in my ep #8), and I hope to see it popping up in other writers' fanfics. Expansion of the idea (to a nearly 300 page manual) opens new possibilities.

remember the Green Cross Code

I had to look that up...I think it's a uniquely British thing.

And then, Shangri-La.
Which, being interpreted, means “the Montabari Junction Motorway Service Station”.

Very relatable & memory evoking. Everyone who did not grow up in a large city had that one shop that was within relatively easy reach when your only transportation was your feet or a bicycle. To a cloistered cyborg girl an autostrada service station would seem like a grand department store.

As always, I look forward to the next chapters...the title seems to imply that things are not going to go so smoothly as the tale progresses.

This is the second time you've opened a multi-chapter story in the bedroom. It's a good device, using something like fatigue, which the audience can easily relate to, to set the tone

They say that 3AM is the key time for suicides...

Marisa: Mr. Voodoo, sorry to interrupt, but did Mr. Frazer mention something about jet propelled football studs?
Elio: They don't really make you fly, Mari.
Marisa: Oh, I know...I just think they would be really cool to kick a guy with. Then you could turn them on and blow his guts out the back of his...
Elio: Marisa, please shut up.
Voodoo: Thank you Elio. Moving along...

Remember when we were talking about character accessories in another thread? Marisa likes her piano wire - maybe she can receive that old Q-Branch classic, the garotte spooled up in the wristwatch, for her birthday?

Nice meeting of the worlds here. Not every handler has a Porsche, a summer house in Sicily, and a big family inheritance!

Very true, but with that said, Avise had to consciously restrain himself and mutter a few prayers against temptation from taking the Director's Maserati for a quick spin once he passed the tradecraft module on hotwiring...

Interesting that both your handler and his future cyborg have chosen rare sidearms. At least Agapita's should be easier to get rounds for.

I did worry sometimes that giving Avise a weapon like this was trying too hard to make him a "UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE" - look, look, aren't I original?, that sort of thing - but it will be justified by serving plot points in future stories, both in its operation (Avise gets tipped into the drink during a fight but he can still shoot because the action rotates the cylinder; he doesn't need to rely on recoil to cycle in a fresh round) and character (war reminiscing will have a role in a scene I'm sketching where he has a pretty violent falling-out with Jean).

I had to look that up...I think it's a uniquely British thing.

Ah, I would have thought that it was pretty much the same everywhere, thanks for the tip.

Very relatable & memory evoking. Everyone who did not grow up in a large city had that one shop that was within relatively easy reach when your only transportation was your feet or a bicycle. To a cloistered cyborg girl an autostrada service station would seem like a grand department store.

I draw some of this from personal experience, too. Back when I was in the TA I was away for a fortnight's training camp - after ten days, we took a coach out to a shooting range and stopped at a service station on the way. I hadn't left the base or seen anyone out of uniform in over a week, and while that's not so long a time nonetheless walking around the place was genuinely bewildering - all these people chattering away suddenly seemed a world apart. I felt dislocated.

Robert Frazer wrote:
Remember when we were talking about character accessories in another thread? Marisa likes her piano wire - maybe she can receive that old Q-Branch classic, the garotte spooled up in the wristwatch, for her birthday?

Hmmm, do cyborgs celebrate birthdays? I think that's uncharted territory there.

Avise had to consciously restrain himself and mutter a few prayers against temptation from taking the Director's Maserati for a quick spin once he passed the tradecraft module on hotwiring...

Lorenzo: (poking his head into Elio's office/room) Eh, Elio, mate, did we ride in together in your BMW this morning?
Elio: No, you came in early in your Quattroporte & I rode my Ducati.
Lorenzo: (looking confused) Damn it...I can't find my car.
Elio: Did you give it over to the Q branch for some mods?
Lorenzo: No, no...I'd remember that.
Elio: Eh...Mari?
Marisa: (sitting on the bed) I swear, it wasn't me! I'm not crazy enough to steal the Section Chief's 100,000 euro Maserati!
Elio: Well, maybe you're just going senile, it was bound to happen with this job.
Lorenzo: Yeah...I guess you're right. Sure I'll remember where I left it sooner or later. I'll just get Mancini to give me a lift home in one of the vans tonight. Where is he anyway?

war reminiscing will have a role in a scene I'm sketching where he has a pretty violent falling-out with Jean.

Back to the gritty stuff soon I see. Looking forward to it.

I had to look that up...I think it's a uniquely British thing.

Ah, I would have thought that it was pretty much the same everywhere, thanks for the tip.

Given the context I understood perfectly what it meant, but the safety poster wouldn't translate well to North America since we don't have hedgehogs (had to dodge plenty in Germany though).

Back when I was in the TA I was away for a fortnight's training camp - after ten days, we took a coach out to a shooting range and stopped at a service station on the way. I hadn't left the base or seen anyone out of uniform in over a week, and while that's not so long a time nonetheless walking around the place was genuinely bewildering - all these people chattering away suddenly seemed a world apart. I felt dislocated.

I get that feeling a lot when I've been aboard ship a long time.

Professor Voodoo wrote:Hmmm, do cyborgs celebrate birthdays? I think that's uncharted territory there.

Kara and Michele do.

Kiskaloo wrote:

Professor Voodoo wrote:Hmmm, do cyborgs celebrate birthdays? I think that's uncharted territory there.

Kara and Michele do.

Jean: (facepalm) Jeeze...as if those two really needed another excuse to take the day off and exchange gifts.

I don't think that it's so unreasonable for cyborgs to have birthdays - after all, they're off fighting terrorists every other week so surviving a year of high-tempo action like that, even with their superhuman abilities, is probably quite an achievement that's worth celebrating! I figure that it would probably relate to the day of their activation, though, rather than their biological birthday.

Robert Frazer wrote:I figure that it would probably relate to the day of their activation, though, rather than their biological birthday.

That is how I play it.

Given the context I understood perfectly what it meant, but the safety poster wouldn't translate well to North America since we don't have hedgehogs (had to dodge plenty in Germany though).

Well, this is probably more relatable - back in the Seventies and Eighties we had our own road safety superhero!