NINJA CLAES

By Panzer IV

--

Hummm...

-THe Ring?-

Jose walks by the SWA headquarters in an early morning, eyes droopy after decidedly staying up late at night watching the Japanese version of 'The Ring'. This morning in hopes of watching the news, the TV has 'ants' in it and is refusing to turn up.

Recently, a phone rang. He decided not to pick it up after the first time he did hearing the voice of a girl saying 'You will...'

Now, passing by the well, he pause momentarily...

"Giuseppe...Giuseppe..."

Giuseppe turns around, and saw no one "Was it Henrietta who called me? Etta'? Where are you?"

'Giuseppe...Giuseppe..."

Cold sweat began forming around her "...Henrietta...?"

Turning to the well positioned in the center of the garden, Giuseppe noticed something was wrong--very, very wrong. The clouds were hovering above the well and abruptly without warning, a hand appears from the well pulling a female figure as it struggles to climb out

Giuseppe fainted...

*later*

"So Claes, how's your 'ninjutsu training'?"

"C'mon Triela! Cut it out already! It is real and I'm capable!"

"Like?" Triela challenges cynically "Scaling a wall?"

"Well...I tried that, and accidentally slipped myself and fell into the well. I saw Giuseppe on the way down and called out to him to ask for help. I don't think he heard it, so I decided to climb up myself."

"Seeing you're here, I guess you managed to do so."

"Right. Then I had to carry Giuseppe to the medical room...I wonder why..."

--

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By Sasahara17

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Priscilla was scared of Bats. Ever since the day her older brother took her to see Dracula, when she was the ripe old age of five mind you, she had gained this uncontrollable fear of the winged mammal. It wasn’t an uncommon fear, but it embarrassed her to no end.

Many years later, she had yet to wean herself of this fear. But Priscilla hid it very well. Despite having worked at the SWA for as far back as Angelica could remember… okay bad example… as far back as it’s inception, she had managed to keep that irrational fear of those flying rodents secret from her co-workers.

There was a reason she took the day off whenever Halloween came around the corner.

She had seen what those German Sausage jokes had done to Hillshire, and wasn’t keen on having her fear of small winged creatures used to make her the next laughing stock of the SWA.

However it did come out eventually. And here was how it happened.

--

It had seemed to be the most ordinary of nights. Jean had been an ass as usual, ordering his ‘information gathering apparatus’ to work until well past witching hour. Walking out of the main offices into the open air car park while cursing the Jean under her breadth, at two in the morning, was nothing new to her.

What happened after that though…

Priscilla was mounting up on her faithful yellow Vespa when a large shade fell over her car. Looking up in alarm, Priscilla saw a hugged black object soaring through the air obscuring the street lamps. The large unidentified flying object circled the parking lot a few times as Priscilla’s eyes tried to follow the monstrous shade as it drifted though the air, almost gracefully.

Her carefully conditioned analysis brain kicked in. She couldn’t make out it’s shape very well, but since it was absorbing the light it must have been black. It was flying at a leisurely pace. Further more, it had two glowing eyes.

Priscilla concluded it logically must have been a bat. A really big one.

A/N – Logically speaking, it was later discovered Priscilla was extremely high on caffeine at that point, so her judgment was rubbish.

It circled around and started coming her way.

"BAT!!!!!" She screamed.

The bat suddenly plummeted from the sky at this, right into her. As the big black thing knocked the shrieking woman off her Vespa, she mercilessly blacked out.

She awoke the next day in the infirmary. Apparently, Claes had found the young woman passed out in the car park that early morning and had brought her in before the staff could arrive. Overwork was the official cause of her blackout. For a moment Priscillia thought her secret was safe.

Then Jose just HAD to bring in that get well cake Claes baked for her with a bat decoration on the top. So much for that. She didn’t stop shrieking for hours.

It was a bad day for Priscilla.

At least Jean had apologized for overworking her. Maybe there was the silver lining to her misfortune.

--

Triela had just returned from Verona when she discovered something was amiss in her room. “Claes?”

“Yeah?” The bespectacled girl replied.

“How come my bed sheets are all dirty?” Triela held out the spare black matrix bed sheets, now covered in soil and mud, Hillshire had gotten her a months ago.

It was gaudy and unfashionable, not to mention childish, hence why Triela kept it in a box on the far side of their room. But it was still a gift from Hillshire, so Triela had to know why if wasn’t looking like it was brand new.

“I flew though the air in them. Accoring to the book, my bed sheets weren’t the right color and since you didn't seem to be using them, I saw no harm in borrowing them.” Claes stated in a dead pan tone. “The landing was messy. And I crashed once because I lost concentration.”

Triela sighed. Claes was still going on about this Ninja nonsense? Bed sheets weren’t the right color her foot. “No seriously, what happened?”

“Okay, I brought some of my tools in here the other day. Some of the soil must have gotten on your bed.” Claes suggested.

"You’re washing them.” Triela said crossly. At least they weren't ripped or anything. Triela briefly wondered why Claes had brought her tools uopstairs, but dismissed the thought. Regardless of why it happened the alternative was too ridiculous to entertain.

Claes rolled her eyes. Inwardly, she sighed with relief. Sometimes the truth was more ridiculous than fiction. It had been a close one. For the moment, she thought triela would take her head off for using that beedsheet for such a stent now...

Claes wondered if the person she held responsible for this problem had recieved her 'present' by now.

“Claes, your glasses are doing the whole ‘intimidating opaque shine’ again. It makes you look like you've got glowing eyes you know. Freaky.”

---

I'm reading a manga called Y+M [ Yaku Ninpo Sho ] and saw one girl in main characters look similar to Rico,adult ninja Rico!

jusat have to post this pic again


(tune to spider pig)
Ninja Claes, Ninja Claes
does what ever ninja Claes does
can she disapear out of the air
no she can't she's just Claes
look out
here comes Ninja Claes :lollol:

Ninja Claes ideas;

+ Wall climbing technique (done)
+ Underground tunneling technique (done)
+ Flying by bed sheet power technique (done)

+ Ye olde moat crossing with stilts technique
+ Ye olde underwater breathing technique with bamboo apparatus
+ Voice mimicry technique
+ One thoundsand years of pain via toilet assassination technique*
+ Ninja suriken throwing practice
+ Ninja acrobatics practice

Okay, those are my ideas. Any more ideas on what I could try writing about?

* Apparently, this really happened to Uesugi Kenshin, who was supposedly speared through the anus by one particularly skilled ninja who got his mark by hiding in the sewage system.

Well, you covered the wall climbing without using the claws...

Oh, wait. Shameless quotations time.

====================================================

Claw Marks


That morning, the handlers regarded the scratches and furrows slashing across the wall of the cyborg dorm with the same feelings that devout Muslims would express for grafitti sprayed across the face of the Kaaba.

"Well?" Jean finally grated out between the thin line of his displeased mouth. The damage would cost several thousands of euros to repair, funding that he and the Chief would have to work for.

"We don't have any idea who could have done it, Jean," Jose apologized.

"A giant cat?" Hillshire muttered.

"Freddy Krueger?" Alessandro weakly joked.

"Naw, man," Amadeo argued, "Freddy Krueger's got four blades. That's only three. That's Wolverine."

The other handlers stared at Amadeo as if he was a yapping two-headed chihuahua.

"What?"

* * *

"So, Claes, how was your study of ninja techniques?"

"I practiced scaling walls last night with climbing claws. The hardest part was making climbing claws that didn't break. I did keep slipping, but I finally made it. It was pretty exhilirating, I have to admit."

"Wow. You really have nothing better to do, huh?"

"No, not really."


END


====================================================

A/N: Weak, I know, but the best I could think of in less than thirty minutes.

I suggest that Angie and Rico's names be Nipponized. Angie can have the Japanese name for the angelica plant, provided it sounds nice enough. On that note, the Japanese word 'rikko' is the name of a kind of flower, too.

For a moment, I thought of translating Angie to Anji- but then I remembered that it's a boy's name. )

*reads Sheo's work*

Freddy Kruger... Wolve-

*laughs hysterically*

--

1 hour later

--

*still laughing*

---

10 mins later

---

I think I've calmed down enough to get stuff done. Thanks alot Sheo, everytime you post something I am rendered completely useless.

--

Fanfic

--

She was really beginning to have second thoughts about this.

Claes rolled the little trinket in her hands over and over again. This was the first time she had ever actaully NEEDED to use her Ninja skills in a life or death situation (okay it wasn't that bad, but her reputation was at stake), and she was feeling less than confident about the whole matter. Her part attemots at mastering this lost art yielded less than spectacular results, so she wasn't entirely sure that you would be able to pull this off.

She had the savings. She knew where to buy the item. All she lacked was one thing...

I mean, the logical thing she could do was just go up to him and ask a simple question. But alas, Claes knew that asking him a question like that about her would embarass Claes to no end. Asking her directly would tip Claes hand, so that was out of the question as well. So that simply let the most ridiculous option the bespecticaled girl could think of.

Claes gave a sigh. Pulling on her Ninja mask and checking her outfit one more time, Claes knew that it was now or never.

"Oh well, lets give it a try."

--

Petruska was innocently loading her laundry into the drier several loud cracks sounded, and the redhead was plunged into a world of grey smog. For a moment the teenage cyborg belived that the crier had broken (again) and was now sending liberal amouts of fog everywhere.

The she heard the sound of two feet faintly landing on the groud.

Despite being caught completely flat footed, Petra's trianing kicked in. She released her hold on the basket containing her laundry and snapped into a fighting posture. She waited.

Nothing happened.

"What?" Petra wondered aloud as she realised the danger had passed. The smoke began to clear, and Petra found she was completely alone in the room. In fact, once the fog had cleared completely, it was as nothing out of the ordinary had occured.

Then Petra noticed that all her clothes were now scattered about on the floor. "Oh drat." She sighed, bending down to collect her clothes. She would have to rewash them.

Her confusion persisted for sometime after. What just happened? Had she imagined things?

It was only later she discovered that two sets of her undergarments were missing. Her scream alerted the adults, and the resulting compound wide search for the panty and bra thief was unprecedented in all of the SWA's operational history. Jean and Lorenzo wated to find the thief and arrest him. Petra wanted to shoot the pervert on sight.

The resurfaced the very next day under Agent Ricci's desk, resulting in a stern repremand for the young agent and Petra walking around for the majority of the day with a cherry red face. Elsewhere, Claes realised too late that returning the said undergarments by placing them under Allesandro's desk may not be the most prudent way of doing about that buisness.

Oh well, mission accomplished. She had Petra's measurements.

--

Several days later, Petra celebrated her first 'birthday' (i.e. the date she became operational). Most of the 2nd Gen girls attended, as did their handlers. For her, it was both a cause for celebration and a time of sorrow. One year older, one year coser to dying. Still Petra being an airhead and all didn't dwell on the fact too much.

After the celebrations were over and the other 2nd Gens went off on their training sessions ('Sandro had given Petra the day off) the redhead returned to her room in good spirits, the three dresses and gowns she recieved as presents in her arms.

It was of great suprise to her to find a small wrapped package lying on her bed.

"What?" She curiously examined the package. It wasn't very large, and there was nothing written on it. Shanking it caustiously and sniffing it, Petra confirmed it wasn't a bomb. Logic told her she should go check with the adults about the box, but her curiosity got the better of her.

'Sandro entered her room ten minutest later and was promptlt attacked by his young protege, wearing nothing but a set of perfectly fitting Victoria's Secret undergarmets, pieces of the clothing she had worn to the party before flung haphazardly all over her room in her haste to try on her newest present.

"Oh thank you Mister Sandro!" Petra squealed as she lept into her suprised handler's arms. "These must have cost a fortune! Thank you so much!"

It was the natural conclusion to reach after all. Who else knew her meausrements as well as her dear 'Sandro?

Normally, 'Sandro would have been elated to have a mostly undressed girl tackle him. In the light that that Prisciallia and Olga were standing next to him (with presents of their own), coupled with the fact that is tattered reputation was still recoving from the panty thief fiasco...

"You bastard..." Prisciallia growled.

"Ricci..." Olga growled.

The distinct sound of a Desert Eagle being clocked made 'Sandro's blood freeze. Oh shit...

"Thank you 'Sandro! I love you so much!"

---

"Claes?"

"Hm?"

"Aren't you going to Petra's birthday party? I thought you wanted to thank her for the time she took you out of the agency?"

"I found a better way to do it."

"How so?"

"... you'll be suprised at what you can find on E-bay."

"Claes, your glasses have that omnimous glint again..."

--

Good story,sasahara!!

Well done Sasahara!
Wrap it up and post it on FF.net if you haven't already!

Post it on FF.net? You guys sure?

I haven't wriotten the one where Claes tries to practice 'the up the plumbing toilet assassination' technique yet...

Do it in installments. One story, one chapter. ^_^

Okay, it's up.

Everybody okay it it? Anything I should change?

Check your PMs, Sasahara.

Cheaked PMs, upped story under Section 2. *pats self on the back*

NOW is everybody okay with the current arragement?

Well i really enjoyed reading the Ninja Claes stories, and have been thinking of my one for sometime now... >_< here it goes.

One Dirty Secret

It's 11:30pm in Italy and the entire SWA building has long been empty. The last souls probably left in the compound would be the cyborg girls, the secuirity guards and 2 Croce brothers working overtime. Who wouldn't expect these 2 to stay up late like this, with all the paper work and worrying about their girls (well maybe Joze that is) you'd expect them to be here all night.

"Joze, u still awake?"

"Yes Jean, what do u want."

"Joze, the building is empty... the girs are sleeing... you thinking what I am thinking?"

With that the younger Croce stood up and came face to face with his brother with a naughty grin on his face.

"I believe i do."

At that very instant both brothers dashed towards a near by broom closet and...

... pulled out a pair of mountain bikes!

"Last one to the parking lot is a rotten egg!"

"No way! Why do you always get the head start!"

Now the once quiet hallways of the SWA building were filled with the childish laughter of 2 grown men bicking down it's halls when suddenly...

"Ack!!"

"Oww!!"

====================================================

The next day 2 Croce brother's walked to the office with weird marks on their necks. Their co-workers would have inquired but when one of the brothers can kill you by just staring at you sternly, that's not really a good idea. Everyone just had to believe that a bunch of thieves armed with piano wired tried to strangle them last night but were swifly taken care of. No one dares doubte that story.

====================================================

"So Claes what have you been trying to do so late last night? Were you trying to do that ninja thing again?"

“It's Nin-jutsu Triela and as a matter of fact, i was. Have you heard of the horse man's trap?"

"Well no."

"Ninja's use to tie a chord around trees to try and snag fast moving horse men. The chord itself is a mytery but i tried this cheese wire last night and..."

"What did you do Claes?!"

"I set one up and tried to set more somewhere else but when I came back... something... already got caught."

"What got caught?"

"Um... a... bird?"

"Well birds do fly into the building alot."

"Indeed."

"Claes, your glasses have that spooky glint again, you really need to get those none reflecting lenses."

fin ^_^

Now the once quiet hallways of the SWA building were filled with the childish laughter of 2 grown men bicking down it's halls when suddenly...

"Ack!!"

"Oww!!"

:lol!:

Claes is becoming a real terror now that she knows Ninja things. Pure Evil. With Glasses. Only someone so evil could interrupt a loving brotherly moment like that one.

That's why I love people with 'death glasses'.

I'm left wondering if this amusing series has actually come to a close, and hope I'll be proven wrong. It's definitely got the potential to become a major hit, and I'm quite saddened to see that I'm the only one who's reviewing it on FF.net.

Dang. Give me a minute to tend to that lack.

Wow.

Best. Fanfic. Ever

I can't write stuff like this though

TTIO wrote:I can't write stuff like this though :(

Neither could I at first, but I learned by just doing it.
same goes with my skills of scanlation, I could do it for shit at first, and look were I am at now?

"Practice, its the name of the game to become good."

Bloody brilliant stuff. You all really know your comedy.