The Price of Freedom...

Before you read this, if you are one of those people who are quick to judge please leave. What I am about to say is not the greatest thing in the world. Oh and also, please don’t throw religion into this whole topic. I’ve yet to meet another Jewish person here on the boards anyway xD.

So my mom and stepdad got a divorce the summer of 2006. Ever since then my stepdad has become what my father should have been. Meaning, he would see me twice or three times a week and he would take me shooting, out to breakfast, or whatever we decided to do. He became a ‘good time Charlie’ and it pissed my mom off at first. I admit, I had only good intentions. It was clear at the time that he was severely depressed and needed me. So while I saw him I suddenly became the messenger. He would give me things to give to my mother and vice versa. I asked both of them to stop using me and they did, at the time.

Now this past year the shit is hitting the fan. My singing teacher wanted to start seeing me more often. She wanted lessons twice a week. I asked my stepdad if he could cover one lesson a week and then my mom would cover the other.

At first things went well. He agreed and all I needed to do was ask him or the money and he would give it to me. But one day he started complaining. It started to become a chore. I started getting afraid to ask him for the money. I can’t really say why. To be honest, he REALLY scares me. Always did, still does I guess. Sometimes I would forget to ask and when I asked for two weeks worth he got pissed at me. Then for about a month he “didn’t have the money.” Which is bullshit. The man makes almost $100,000 a year. There is no excuse for this.

Now my debut was on May 16th with my swan song on may 24th. Now he flaunts himself as the “father I never had” saying he always attends my performances and is always there for me when my real father isn’t. He had tickets for the 16th but had to cancel for the MS bike run. More important than his stepdaughter? Then on the 24th his mother (who he lives next door too) made him dismantle her shed. As a grown man he has the choice to either do what mommy says right then and there or, say, “Sorry mom. I will do it next Sunday.” He decided to help mommy and not go see his daughter. The company closed. He will never be able to see me on that stage doing that part. He knew this.

Now, we had a spat later that week. To keep a long story short, he said that my mom owed him cash and since she never gave me the money to pay, she should pay for my full lesson plan. She can’t do that. I can’t do that either. I have been using my money to pay for him. He owes me money. I HATE WHEN HE THREATENS ME. If I mentioned that he owed me money he would say something that would scare me.

Now we aren’t talking. My excuse is that “my mother needs me” whenever he wants to see me, since that was his excuse to me as to why he never came on the 24th to see me sing.

Honestly, I hate him. I’m scared of him, but I need his money!

Is it wrong of me to get so angry at him? Am I better of without his money? How am I going to afford school, lesson and life expenses now? Should I give in to him and apologize? I am so confused what to do next. I want to keep him outta my life but I need his money...

What is the price of freedom here?

The only thing I can recommend is be nice, be polite, but sever any reliance on him immediately. If that means going back to one lesson a week, that might be your only choice. I'm sure your instructor will understand.

As to him owing you money, unless you've been loaning him cash outright or he's stealing it from your pocket, he does not owe you anything. Any money he might have promised was a gift, and subject to no real binding contract. Principle matters none in this situation.

Needing someone's money is a bad reason to force yourself to deal with someone. It leads to a pretty deep hole of depression, anxiety, and built-up anger, all things that are going to hurt your real goals more and more as it builds.
Not sure if you have a job yet, but if not, that is something to look into. Self reliance is a cornerstone of making your goals come to fruition. It's tough, but that's the way the real world works; The things you want never come easy. Friends are what you need when you're feeling down, but only you can pull yourself out of a hole.

Hope this helps.

BTW, The Price of Freedom is Eternal Vigilance.

The price of Freedom is Not Free.

But you do have a right to be angry if he renigged on a promise or a deal you two had. The problem here is that he is your stepdad,
and as such he has no real obligation to you, especially now that you are 18... an adult. If he was a real loving stepdad, he would own up to the responsibilities of helping out, but he does not have to legally- only morally.

I hope things work well for you, Cherub. One with talent like yours should not be worrying about where to find money to get your talent in order.

Internet Advice........

i cant help you tactfullly but as Elfen said "The price of Freedom is not free" It is a debt that must be paid in full through whatever means. Be it a group of people or a country (USA) or just you.

The question is will you pay it, and will you pay it gladly without regrets.

I hate it when parents get mad at you, even when they're completely wrong. It just happened to me last night. I was trying to watch Mushi-Shi on demand, but she started yelling at me for not asking to help her put up a clock. I told her that she should ask for help when she needs it, like me(I usually need a lot of help). As usual when I prove her wrong she just tells me to shut up and says I can't watch TV anymore(with the addition of some childish voice copying mumbling). She seems to not be mad about it anymore, but she's bound to come up with something else to yell at me about. Although, she does let me live at her place and she gave birth to me and etc. so I know I owe her, but she should still ask for help whenever she needs it. I guess she's too proud. ANYWAY, you just need to go along with their stupid ignorance. I know I have to. I hate having to obey a bad person's orders. (She's a nature murderer!)

@Hydra: I know what you mean. Happens to me all the time, and it sucks
Nowhere near as bad as this though, just be glad of that

@Cheru: Maverick's and Elfen's advice seems sound, I can't really say anything more than that, except for that this really sucks. It annoys me when people don't live up to their responsibilities like this, especially when you can't do anything about it :/
I certainly hope this works out for you, and with these guys helping you, it certainly should

Before you read this, if you are one of those people who are quick to judge please leave. What I am about to say is not the greatest thing in the world.

Does that mean that he is usually nicer?
And if anyone wonders what "nature murderer" means it's this.
She thinks it's okay to kill animals, usually bugs. I HATE spiders, they're always assaulting me. One time I went my friend's house and the same spider climbed on my shirt twice. I might have given a little scream. But still, even though they scare the poopity poop out of me, I never hurt them. I saved one from drowning in the tub the other day, I got into a bowl and it couldn't get out. Then I forgot all about it, and when I came back there it was a lifeless corpse. No doubt my mom's doing. this is getting long. Even worse, than that we just moved out of a trailer, so now we have yards. My mom found a snake and went on a rampage against it(kind of exaggerating). I got a stick and tried to save it, but my mom kept throwing a brick on it's head. When I yelled at her to stop, she just looked at me like she was disgusted. In the end, the snake finally climbed on the stick. I got kinda scared because it was moving towards my hand. I threw him over the fence and mission accomplished. Another life saved from the crazy lady. Yeah, really long. I hope everyone treats nature and people nicely. Over.

Not sure if you have a job yet, but if not, that is something to look into. Self reliance is a cornerstone of making your goals come to fruition. It's tough, but that's the way the real world works; The things you want never come easy. Friends are what you need when you're feeling down, but only you can pull yourself out of a hole.

Hope this helps.

Yes anything at this point helps.
My contract just expired so I have enough money to help my mom with some bills and maybe have my two lessons for the summer. But I am not sure what with having to get graduation gifts for people etc. I guess I need to manage my budget better now. The problem is that no one is hiring and if they were looking for summer jobs, they would have filled their positions already. I wasn't expecting my stepdad to be a little bitch.

I hope things work well for you, Cherub. One with talent like yours should not be worrying about where to find money to get your talent in order.

Heh. Tell that to every agent out there. If you don't have a degree no one wants you. It's absolutely backward that I need to spend $50,000 a year at a conservatory before I can get a respectable agent and a decent job. We live in such an ass backward world. Really.

Internet Advice........

Is probably the best and most unbiased advice if you ask me....

I guess she's too proud. ANYWAY, you just need to go along with their stupid ignorance. I know I have to. I hate having to obey a bad person's orders.

Yeah... Such is life. I guess I should be glad I only had to be his daughter for 8 years. Could you imagine if I were his actual daughter by birth? xD

Thanks Tito. I will try my very best to be self-reliant as much as I can be. It's hard to be though. You think, oh I'm 18 I can do this and leave and do this. It turns out all I can do is ruin myself by getting a credit card and vote. Yay! -.-

Does that mean that he is usually nicer?

No. I'm afraid it means that I was embarrassed that I've let this reliance and behavior go on for so long without stopping to think of the consequences.
And as far as your mother and her animal hatred, the way I see it is this, obviously you two have different ideas on what is acceptable as far as nature goes. Only do what you can. Try explaining yourself to her. Does she know of the force known as Karma?

ElfenMagix wrote:
I hope things work well for you, Cherub. One with talent like yours should not be worrying about where to find money to get your talent in order.

Of course, I'm looking forward to seeing Rubi n American Idol to avenge the loss of Adam.

boomer_gonz wrote:

ElfenMagix wrote:
I hope things work well for you, Cherub. One with talent like yours should not be worrying about where to find money to get your talent in order.

Of course, I'm looking forward to seeing Rubi n American Idol to avenge the loss of Adam.

AHHH! *Runs around Boom Boom* I haven't seen you in ages Boom Boom!
And uhh... Why would I do American Idol? They don't want me there. Although Triela wants me to do American Idol. And I wasn't a big fan of Adam of the other dude... lol

And on topic, it is very hard for people to make money in their early career. Such is the term "starving artist". I've heard the stores and I know a man who went through it. Luckily he is on his feet and rather well known too. That's how I know I will succeed!

I've had troubles with my parents but luckily they made up.

Your situation seems tough, i can't imagine what it would be like for you.

Hang in there, try not to hate someone. I find it hurts you more than you think.

You can try to improve your situation, but always be happy with what you have already.

And on topic, it is very hard for people to make money in their early career. Such is the term "starving artist". I've heard the stores and I know a man who went through it.

My friend's a published writer, and was basicly starving. He holds down a full-time job with decent benefits and writes in his off time. The only way he got the job was by doing horrible cold-call telemarketing for years making squat. He finally ended up with an international jewelry company calling people to get the money they owe, so while the nature of the job hasn't changed, the conditions and reason have, and for the better.

There are crap jobs out there aplenty, and they are just that, crap jobs. Find one and work to survive, and do what you love in the remaining time. It'll be tough, but if you stick to the plan, you can do it.

the starving artist phase can be pretty hard, but you should make it so long as you avoid the 'starving, drunk artist' phase, which generally never ends.
...I know a fair number of those...

Cherubino wrote:Does she know of the force known as Karma?

Yay, karma!

Hang in there, try not to hate someone. I find it hurts you more than you think.

You can try to improve your situation, but always be happy with what you have already.

Too late. I can never get over how he's treated me. The more I think about it the angrier I get. If I really got into, there'd be to much to read but to be honest this is just one of the things he's done to me that are not acceptable. He promised me a ton of stuff. He said I'd have a car. He said he'd pay for my college if it wasn't over $10,000 a year. He said he'd pay for my lessons. He said... A lot of things. All of which according to his standards should have happened by now. And that's not all. The way he treats me is unacceptable to. But that's to much for me to get into here too.

There are crap jobs out there aplenty, and they are just that, crap jobs. Find one and work to survive, and do what you love in the remaining time. It'll be tough, but if you stick to the plan, you can do it.

I know what you mean about a backup crap job and honestly, that's what everyone says to do. Everyone says, "Go to school and get a secondary skill." But that's not how it works. You end up using that "secondary skill" as your means for living for the rest of your life. I've seen it happen to so many people. I refuse to let that happen to me. I have lots of skills. My stepdad wants me to be an undercover. My mom wanted me to be a teacher. My brother wants me to get my head out of the clouds. But in all honesty, I could never live with doing "what I love" on the side. Singing and performing isn't "what I love". It's my sole purpose in life. It's the only thing I can do anyway.

the starving artist phase can be pretty hard, but you should make it so long as you avoid the 'starving, drunk artist' phase, which generally never ends.
...I know a fair number of those...

I know a person like that. Shoulda been the next big interior designer of our time but the poor idiot ended up working for the gov't. That's where people who couldn't get a break go to. The gov't...

Just hang in there, you're only 18. We both should have a lot to get from our lives no matter the situation you're in now.

I believe things can destroy your life, but what determines that is whats in your thinking.

Big Brother says bail out and never look back, Cherry. I've always looked on that man in a negative light, and wanted nothing more than for you to break free of his bad influence. The ungrateful, dishonest and two-faced behavior he's displayed as of late only reinforces my opinion. You're far better off without him in your life, sister - I'm saying it straight when I tell you that I doubt he'd fork over much of his money if you stick around. The others have suggested carving our your own financially independent path, and I agree with them. It may seem hard, but I know you can make it through. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you're a survivor. One of the strongest people I've ever known. You will find a way.

Nachtsider wrote:Big Brother says bail out and never look back, Cherry. I've always looked on that man in a negative light, and wanted nothing more than for you to break free of his bad influence. The ungrateful, dishonest and two-faced behavior he's displayed as of late only reinforces my opinion. You're far better off without him in your life, sister - I'm saying it straight when I tell you that I doubt he'd fork over much of his money if you stick around. The others have suggested carving our your own financially independent path, and I agree with them. It may seem hard, but I know you can make it through. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you're a survivor. One of the strongest people I've known. You will find a way.

Well I am still on his will. He just rewrote it three months ago. I know that I am still on it for now... Not that he's giving me much.
I just don't know how my mom and my family are gonna make it through the summer. Once school starts at least I will have a job (campus job) that I can send home.
*sigh*
And on top of this my brother announced he won't be graduating this year either...
When are things gonna fucking work out?

probably when Obama finds a way to fix this recession crisis



stuff would be so much easier if money did not exist and everyone just "shares" ^_^

West Nile wrote:probably when Obama finds a way to fix this recession crisis



stuff would be so much easier if money did not exist and everyone just "shares" ^_^

I hope that happens soon. Us little people need the relief.

Ah thanks for the cash smiley. They made me smile.

I'm sorry all I ever do is complain guys.

Cherubino wrote:

West Nile wrote:probably when Obama finds a way to fix this recession crisis



stuff would be so much easier if money did not exist and everyone just "shares" ^_^

I hope that happens soon. Us little people need the relief.

Ah thanks for the cash smiley. They made me smile.

I'm sorry all I ever do is complain guys.

that's alright, the forum is the place to vent frustrations, keep it in you and you'd definitely go berzerk

that's not complain. that's share. and you need share to relief from stress, just like what west said.

Cherubino wrote:I'm sorry all I ever do is complain guys.

You do a lot more than that, and it wouldn't matter even if that was the case. We're all friends here, remember

destroyer wrote:that's not complain. that's share. and you need share to relief from stress, just like what west said.

we won't want you running around you school shooting people now would we

TTIO wrote:

Cherubino wrote:I'm sorry all I ever do is complain guys.

You do a lot more than that, and it wouldn't matter even if that was the case. We're all friends here, remember

Sweetest.Person.Here.Ever.No.Lies.

Anyway... Ahh the love and support! No one wants me to shoot people up.
No worries. I live in NYC it's not like it's that easy to get myself a gun.
And I gave up shooting when i gave up being a sucker for my stepdads money...
And now I am going to listen to Pearl Jam xD
"Jeremy spoke in class today..."

What amazes me is that I am an overly social kinda person and yet here I am venting to my internet friends. I guess it's kinda sad that my friends right here in NYC don't really offer much consolation. (Except for Triela who always gives me the good old "He didn't deserve you!!! RAWR!" Whenever some dickless bastard fucks with me.)

Cherubino wrote:

TTIO wrote:

Cherubino wrote:I'm sorry all I ever do is complain guys.

You do a lot more than that, and it wouldn't matter even if that was the case. We're all friends here, remember

Sweetest.Person.Here.Ever.No.Lies.

and that's why he got himself a gf right now, cheers

Aw, thanks

Tbh, I misread that the first time, so I didn't realise you'd said that, Cheru

West Nile wrote:

Cherubino wrote:

TTIO wrote:

Cherubino wrote:I'm sorry all I ever do is complain guys.

You do a lot more than that, and it wouldn't matter even if that was the case. We're all friends here, remember

Sweetest.Person.Here.Ever.No.Lies.

and that's why he got himself a gf right now, cheers

I know. Our tittie is growing up so fast isn't he.. Soon he'll be leaving the nest... T.T
Someone hold me! I'm crying!

*flap flap*

Cherubino wrote:

West Nile wrote:

Cherubino wrote:

TTIO wrote:

Cherubino wrote:I'm sorry all I ever do is complain guys.

You do a lot more than that, and it wouldn't matter even if that was the case. We're all friends here, remember

Sweetest.Person.Here.Ever.No.Lies.

and that's why he got himself a gf right now, cheers

I know. Our tittie is growing up so fast isn't he.. Soon he'll be leaving the nest... T.T
Someone hold me! I'm crying!

hey TTIO stay awar from the... owch... electric cable....

It's okay, I had another life

Now, where's that 1UP mushroom? I was certain it was around here somewhere...

I thought the shrooms just made you taller, and not confer 1UPs.

I think there are 1UP ones as well, I can't remember though. It's been ages since I played Mario...

there is. it depends on the color. the red one will make you grow, while the green one will give 1up.
but i prefer the coins.

lolz reminds me of a quote "video games destroyed my life... thank god i have 2 more lives"

y'know what else can give ol' Mario a 1up?

Spoiler:

*gasp*

lol

LoC978 wrote:y'know what else can give ol' Mario a 1up?

Spoiler:

*gasp*

does he get a +10 at the end or does bowser only get to do that? :lol!:

only Bowser, and only at the point where he finally splits her in half. (this from a guy whose favorite Smash Bros character is actually Peach)

gah! guro!

ugh you people are gross with your shrooms and ass fucking!
lol

Guro! don't forget the Guro!